"Ugh. I just remember I have to drink tonight."

"Ugh. I just remember I have to drink tonight."

-Said with serious resignation, when the RCW remembered he was supposed to go out drinking with someone later in the night. There was drink in front of him when he said this. It was his third. I guess he hadn't "started" yet.

Salad Grow in Earth

RCW: This stupid lady order a salad. Then she complain because she find piece of Earth in it. I'm like, duh, it salad. Salad grows in the Earth, so it might have a piece of Earth in it sometimes."

Me: You mean, like, dirt?

RCW: Yes. A piece of Earth.

"Fiffen"

RCW: How do you spell fifteen? Is there an -ing on the end?

Me: What?

RCW: Fifteen. How do spell it?

Me: Just like fourteen, and sixteen, but with a five.

RCW: I need to google it....oh, right.

Other Co-Worker: He spelled it "fiffin."

"Strange things happen in Russia. Like bunny."

RCW: When I was back in Russia a few weeks ago, we go to fancy restaurant in Yakutsk (Siberia, where he is from). Well, was fancy for Yakutsk. While at table I feel something brush against my leg. I look down and see rabbit. It is running around in restaurant, eating crumbs on floor. Employee come over and chase it back outside, but I took picture.

Me: There was a wild rabbit inside the restaurant? What?

RCW: Yes. Big bunny. Was cute.  Strange things happen in Russia. Like bunny.

"...already treated it myself..."

RCW: "I had to go doctor last week. Make sure urinary track infection is gone away.  I wasn't totally sure I took right pills. When I told doctor I thought I had infection, but had already treated it myself, he was very confuse. He says, "What do you mean you already treated it yourself?" I tell him I was pretty sure I knew what was, so I just took the medicine for it. He says, "Where did you get medication from?" I tell him my Russian friends have connections, and is cheaper.  Doctor then flip out. He tell me I can't do that."

I immediately interrupt him at this point. "Wait. You just self-medicated, with like actual medications?"

Another co-worker also then immediately jumps-in. "It's true. Last year I thought I was starting to come down with Strep Throat. The next day he shows up with Penicillin for me. I did NOT take any." 

I respond, "I'm....I'm, just not going to ask any more questions."

"You OPEN them."

I was back in Russia. The don't serve alcohol on airplane, or in airport in Russia, at all. People get too drunk on planes. Cause problems. Only place can buy is alcohol is at "duty free," but not supposed to drink in airport. I complain about this to Russia friends. How am I supposed to drink at airport? They say, "You live in America to long. Any real Russia know what to do."

"What?," I say.

They says, "The bottles from duty free, you OPEN them.”

"Home!"

Russian co-worker was kind of drunk last Halloween. Well, a lot drunk. He was dressed as Salvador Dali. He was trying to get a cab home. 

Driver: What's your destination?
RCW: Home.
Driver: Where is that?
RCW: It's where I live. Duh.
Driver: Where do you live?
RCW: At home. Just take me home.
Driver: What part of the city do you live in?
RCW: Mind your bid'ness! Just take me home!

Taxi drives away. Rest of us are watching this, laughing uncontrollably. We ask the RCW what the hell that was all about. He says, "Sometimes they won't drive to certain part of city. I not want to tell him until inside cab, but he got rude."