"Putin himself took down flight"

Stuff he posts on Facebook.

Russian Birthday Presents

"For birthday mother give my jewelry. And illegal tazer."

"Make perfect."

Him: No. It need 1 Swedish fish. Just 1. Then it good tequila shot. Make perfect.

Me: Did you drink it?

Him: Sort of. I dump it into my vodka drink.

"1 Finger."

Him: I can unzip bra with one finger.

Me: That's not too hard.

Other friend: No, he means while wearing it.

"This how we do laundry in Russian village."

(Ok, first watch this video of a contemporary pop hit. All of it. Trust me, it will become relevant. After you have watched video, proceed to below text).

Did you watch the video?

Really? All of it?

What is coming will not be funny unless you have seen all of the video....last chance...

So, tonight that video was on at work. My Russian co-worker says, "Not as good as Russian version." I respond, "There is a Russian version?" He says, "Girl in Russian village made her own version. Here. Let me find." He then shows me this.

Translated, the title of the video is "Our Response to Sanctions." He also added, "This. This how we do laundry in Russian village" (re the river scene in Russian version).

"Those babies be all fucked up."

"I was at boyfriend's house for the Thanksgiving. His aunt or someone was there. They talk to me. They say we adopt Russian baby long time ago, but it not look like you. It is darker, has long hair, and bad attitude. I say let me see picture. They show me picture. I say it does look like some Russian. They make happy. But I know what really happen. They adopt one of those Chernobyl or Chechnyan babies. Guuuurl, those babies be all fucked up."

"Is so dumb."

Tonight at work a few of us were talking about the horrific footage of the TransAsia Airways airplane crash into a river in Taipei, Taiwan. The RCW (Russian Co-Worker) comes over in the middle of the conversation. He looks at us, and then says...

"Is so dumb. Asians can't fly cars. Why they driving planes? Duh." 

And then he walks away.